Liars and Thieves

I learned my first and most valuable lesson about lying and stealing when I was just four years old, living in a Southeast Kansas farming community where Republicans ruled and Democrats were marginalized as mentally defective.

Mom took me shopping at the neighborhood grocery store, and while she paid at the checkout stand, I fancied a 5 cent package of peanuts that beckoned in a way that could not be ignored. So I plucked it.

When we got home Mom noticed some peanuts she hadn’t paid for.

“Where did you get those?” she said as she stared me down.

It dawned on me, even at that young age, that I had done something wrong. I weighed whether to play dumb or lie outright. But I must have looked too guilty because she was on me like a fly on a dog turd.

“I hate a thief,” said Mom. “But I hate a liar even more. So if you tell the truth, I can forgive you and you will not be punished. But if you lie, your punishment will be much worse.”

Or words to that effect. Her message that came through loud and clear.

So I never stole again, and I learned to hate liars like Mitt Romney.

And if you try to tell me Romney hasn’t been lying throughout this entire campaign, I’m going to sic my Mom on you.

As for thieves and stealing, I'm keeping my eye on Ohio.